Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
