I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize