I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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