oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
