i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
