Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
