i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
