During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Randomize
