he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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