Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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