she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
