They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
