Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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