Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
