You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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