if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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