State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
