I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
