Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I touched a dick in church today
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
