That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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