I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
