There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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