At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We need to get me chipped asap
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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