so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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