What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
