Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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