8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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