Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize