Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
