Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize