Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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