my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
