im gay
i know
yea but for you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
