I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
