I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
