and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
