my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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