when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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