and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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