Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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