i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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