I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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