His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have fence marks all over my body
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
