I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
