You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
