One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
