guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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