There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
