Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
