You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
