she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
