I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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