what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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