dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
