He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
