he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
