i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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