Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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