why didn't you poke me back
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
