Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
