a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize