EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
